From the Ashes [by Elandri]

This is the very beginning of the novel I am currently writing, called 'From the Ashes'. This is just a short excerpt.

*****

Elandri stood still, her sparkling onyx eyes drifting towards the ocean below her. She would have been mistaken for a statue of the like if her chest was not heaving; trying to regain her breath from the marathon she had just sprinted. ‘Why me?’ Elandri said bitterly to no one in particular while she gazed down at the sea, gently lapping at the cliff face.
The sun beat down on her black-garbed back, and she shifted her weight uneasily. ‘The sky looks ominous,’ she mumbled to herself, taking visibly deeper breaths to compensate for her anger toward the world.
While Elandri was pondering her current situation, she failed to notice a tall, lanky figure approach her. When she felt a cool hand on her bare shoulder, she whipped around while stifling a strangled cry of surprise. When she finally caught her wits, Elandri’s eyes moved over this person slowly. He looked to be in his early twenties, the age that Elandri currently was. Floppy, pale hair was pulled back neatly into a long, straight horse tail reaching toward the middle of his back, and emerald eyes glittered mischievously. A brazen smile spread across his pale lips, but he still hadn’t spoken.
Elandri raised an eyebrow quizzically, wondering who this person was, and what he was doing in Amron in the first place. The people from the north had pale hair, not Amrond people, who tended to have darker hair. Elandri glared at this cryptic figure, before proceeding to speak. ‘Who’re you,’ she hissed, venom practically dripping from her voice.
The present man shrugged. ‘I don’t really know,’ he said wistfully. ‘But I am known as Sharna in these regions.’ Elandri was taken aback at the coolness, the calmness of his voice. It was like he had the whole conversation planned out, like he knew her. ‘And how do they name you?’ Sharna asked politely.
‘Elandri,’ she said dumbly, trying to fathom her position in the current situation.
It was certainly hard to tell if she was being attacked, or if she was the attacker. Of course, it could be neither, but that was Elandri’s narrow-mindedness. This Sharna person seemed so serene that he could only have been a friend, but Elandri has found out that you trust no one or have your life taken. She was cut off from her almost infinitely long train of thought when Sharna spoke again.
‘So, Elandri? What brings you here, to this quiet spot? Should you not be with your people?’

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That is a great bigining

Wow, that's awesome, El! Good job!!

I can't wait to read more of it!

same

Aw, thanks very much for your positive comments. I'll be sure to have more finished soon; if I have the time. Any criticisms? I don't mind if you flame me; but be sensible about it. I hope that I'll get SOME pointers or tips.

Anyway, thanks for reading it. I'm glad it didn't bore you to death.

You never bore me to death

Awesome job Elandri-I really like it.
Try putting more spaces between paragraphs, so it is eaiser to read.

Somehero wrote:

Awesome job Elandri-I really like it.
Try putting more spaces between paragraphs, so it is eaiser to read.

Oh, shoot. Sorry about that, I had spaces but when I copied it into the thread it edited them out. I'll fix that up sometime. ^^

And thanks for the lovely comments, all. I shall have to get writing more soon.

Please write more. I would love to know what happens next.

yeah same