Ella's Journey [By Bubbles]

Once upon a time in a little town far far away lived a princess called Ella. She was 12 years of age, but her parents didn’t care about her. Ever since Ella was born her parents hated her because she was a girl. (How sad) Her mum had another baby 2 years after Ella. It was a baby boy. Ella’s mum loved the boy (because they wanted a boy not a girl.) That they called him William. Ella liked William as a brother and so did William, but they weren’t aloud to speak to each other. (How very sad indeed).



Ella was outside reading a book when her mum started teaching William how to ride a horse. Ella always wanted to ride but she wasn’t aloud to. She loved horses they were nice natured animals. Ella was about to drop her book and watch her brother when her dad came out and said to her “Ella go and pack your bags we got you into a boarding school,” Ella was unhappy to here this because she would miss William so much. She went up to pack her bag while looking out the window to watch William. When she was finish she didn’t notice that William had snuck into her room and was know sitting on her bed say this “It’s so unfair that you have to go I am going to miss you so much that I wish I could come. I wished they liked you and me the same not because you’re a girl and I’m a boy,”

“I know they should have murder me when I was young,” she replied.

“Why would they do that? Evan if they don’t love you I think they want the best for you!” he said in a soft voice.

“But I can’t believe that they haven’t evan told me they love me, so why would they want the best for me? Huh! Any way better go. William have a nice 11^th Birthday. Ok!” she said hugging him.

“ I will and you have a good 13^th birthday. Bye” he replied.

“Bye!” she said running outside and into the car.

Okay, let's start off with some good things. Quite a cute idea, but I don't think your writing style is mature enough for something serious like this. Really, your writing doesn't seem quite professional enough, but the story line is good.
I've put an example of what it "should" be like in the next post.

A long time ago in a reality far away from ours, lived a child. A child that was born to rule; a child that was indeed
light amidst the ominous darkness.
She had lived a decade more or less, condemned to silence and stony hate and coldness by her parents. Ever since Ella was born, her parents despised her because she was a female. Her parents,
King Alexander and Queen Ofelia, rulers of the Black Land, had not anticipated giving birth to a female child, one who could not work; one who could not rule.

Her mother had another baby two years after Ella. It was a blessing to them; a baby boy. Ella’s parents, the king and queen, loved the boy, raising him to be a courageous knight, a loyal friend and wise and powerful prince. That they called him William: a name of great nobility. Ella was quite fond of William, despite their possessive parents’ undesire to see them love one another, as a sibling. William, of course, returned the pleasantries and affections of his dear sister. The two were forbidden to interact with each other, but the affections they held could not keep them apart.

***

Ella was in the courtyard of the large, noble castle, engrossed in a history book of the Black Lands when her father’s horse-handler began teaching William how to ride a horse. Ella had always wished with all her heart that she could ride one of these great, dignified creatures, but the royal council had deemed it long ago certainly un lady-like for a female to ride a horse.

She loved and was drawn to the equine race; mainly due to their loyalty, fealty and beautiful and calming nature. Ella was ready to abandon her book in hope that she would be able to take glimpses of William learning to ride these noble beasts, but one of her father’s servants, Raoul, slowly made his way over the prosperous, green grass, and looked at Ella pointedly. “Your majesty…” Raoul began slowly, “Ella, your father commands that you come with
Matilda to pack your bags. I fear you are off to boarding school, my dear. ”

Ella curled her upper lip, unhappy with the prospect of helping the pudgy maid, Matilda, to pack her bags. This was aside from the fact that she was being sent to a boarding school! It shouldn’t have as a surprise to the young princess, but she didn’t expect that she would be sent away so soon… The only thing she had in the palace to love was William, and she would miss her dear brother greatly.

Ella went up to pack her bags as she was told, sighing inwardly at Matilda's silly musings. She stared out the window, scanning the pastures for William, but couldn’t catch sight of him.

When Matilda had left and she felt a cold hand on her bare shoulder, she had to suppress the urge to jump and shriek in fright, but when she glanced at the newcomer, and saw it was William, her porcelain face dropped into a
sorrowful expression. “Will…” Ella said softly, breaking the news to said boy. “I’m leaving.”

William stared incredulously at his sister. “Wh-what do you mean, sister?”
Ella set her eyes to the soft, red carpet covering the expanse of the floor, her serene blue eyes filling up with tears. “William, they’re sending me to boarding school!” She burst out, crumpling into a heap against the white wall, sobbing heavily. Salty tears spilled down her lily-white cheeks, her face contorted in grief. “W-Will, I’m going to- I’m going to miss you-so much!” Ella cried through strangled sobs.

very good do you think you can do that everytime I make a new chapter

When Ella walked into the school grounds she felt a shiver down her back. She saw all of the girls lining up with there bags. They were getting told who was sharing a room with who. So Ella walked over and listened for her name to be called out she was snaring a room with these girls called: Olivia, Laura and Rachel they were all nice girls. When the girls got to there room they all started to unpack there bags. Olivia sat on her bed on her bed staring at the new girl. Ella turned around noticing someone was looking at her. She walked over and sat on Olivia’s bed and said “Hi my name is Ella nice to meet you,”

“Nice to meet you! My name is Olivia and this is Laura and Rachel my friends. Would you like to be our friend Ella?” Olivia said smiling at Ella.

“Sure! I’d like that,”

The next day it was class time, every girl was so excited. First they had History Ella’s favorite class. They learnt about the history of the Kings and Queens that have ruled the world. Then they had cooking classes they learnt how to cook bread. And then the girls filed out side for play and when play was over all the girls had to go to have a docters to get checked that they were healthy.

No, no, I think it's good! Better than the first one. Sure I'll edit them all like I did for the first one, if you want me to. ^^

I do could you edit chapter 2 please

ok

Okay! Here is the next chapter hope you like it!
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The term was nearly over and all of the girls were excited to be going home besides one Ella she was not looking forward to going home to the palace to see those nasty parents of hers. But she was looking forward too seeing William. Her friend Laura had said that they would invite her over in the holidays. And yet Ella thought that wasn’t going to happen.



That afternoon when Ella saw William having his horse riding lessons she knew that nothing had changed. Her mum and dad the King and Queen were in there same mood as if Ella had not gone to boarding school but to here surprise something had happened her mum had had baby twins boy and girl, and to Ella’s surprise her mum was happy with the baby girl.



That night Ella went to speak to her mum. “Mum why weren’t you happy with me?” Ella asked.

“I was happy with you but I didn’t want to show it because in our family you have to have a baby boy first not a girl you see!” the Queen replied.

“ That’s so unfair. Then mum why have you never tucked me into bed, given me a hug and kiss. Why!” Ella sobbed.

“Ella when you were very young I did every single one of those! And when you are asleep I come throw to your room and kiss and hug you! You are very special to me!”

“Right! Can I meet my baby sister and brother then please?” Ella said hugging her mum.

“Yes you can deer!” Her mum replied returning the hug.

Liv, I finished it!

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When Ella stepped into the school grounds, having told her driver who was assigned to drive the horse and carriage she would be fine walking herself up, her blue eyes widened considerably. The school was beautiful, that much she could already tell. She was standing in a green field with an abundance of wild flowers, the grass and trees melting into a polished marble path that led up to the huge barred gate that led to the main school meeting-area. The actual school itself looked like a hundred-year old castle with old limestone walls and open spaces as the doors.

What daunted Ella most was not the size of the school, but how her eyes and ears caught the excited chattering and moving ofgirls that were beginning at the new boarding school, just like her. They were holding their fully packed bags and standing in a long line snaking from the large wooden door; the main entrance to the school, toward the gate that signaled the beginning of Lakewood Girls’ Grammar School’s grounds. They all seemed to know each other and were exchanging pleasantries animatedly. The young princess sighed, knowing that at least she wouldn’t be showered in flattery, for all she was the princess. She had been hidden away from the world, so of course no one knew her face.

Ella inhaled deeply, and walked to then end of the line, glancing around uncertainly. “Olivia Harolds, Room Five!” yelled whom Ella presumed to be a teacher. It was evident that, by the sounds of the names and room numbers being yelled out, that the staff of the school had begun assigning rooms for the girls. She listened out for her name over the constant racket of school students talking to one another and giggling loudly.
“… Melinda Renald, Room Twelve! … Emmie Telmari, Room Twenty-Five! … Callie Van der Wiel, Room Twelve! … Laura
Underwood, Room Five! ... Mai Kestrel, Room Twenty!” And so it continued, name after name after name.

Finally, after what seemed like centuries, Olivia heard the teacher call out her name. “Ella Lenne, Room Five!” As Ella picked up her bags and wandered through the school, glancing at the arrows that showed her the way to go to the dorms, she wondered if the students that she was sharing with would be somewhat pleasant. “Large chance of that…” Ella mumbled to herself dryly, feeling the need to be pessimistic about the whole situation.

Sooner than she knew it, Ella was standing in front of what looked like a wooden log cabin with a large wooden door and a golden door handle. It had the words “Room Five: the brave and gallant.” carved into it in artistic cursive script. She shrugged at the mysterious embellishment on the door and raised her hand to knock in a repressed manner. She was greeted by a petite teenager with short, layered, fiery red hair and baby blue eyes. “Hi!” this teen who had opened the door for her said loudly, beckoning for Ella to come in. “I’m Rachel. You must be…” Rachel prompted brightly, smiling cheerily at Ella. The young royal was eyeing the room in wonder, too awed to reply.

Ella saw two sets of well endowed bunk beds with all the linen needed; wooden floors and roofing; midnight blue wall-paper and a large desk on the right-hand side of the room. There was a cream-colored in-set wardrobe, a large, rectangular window and in the back of the room, an outsized glass door panel that took up the whole of the back wall, which opened out to see a view of a dense rainforest.

She was jolted back to reality when she saw a milky-colored hand waving in front of her face. “… Uh, Ella.” she replied slowly.

“Hey, you don’t sound so sure, Ella. You gotta be sure of whom you are here; otherwise you’ll get trampled like a dead leaf.”

Ella cocked a questioning eyebrow at Rachel’s statement, wondering about her odd philosophy. Rachel just shrugged it off, and for the first time Ella actually noticed that there were two other girls occupying the room. “Let me introduce you to my friends.” Ella’s roommate gestured to each one in turn, telling her their names. “Laura and Olivia,” was the entire introduction Ella got.

Olivia was an average sized girl with long, waist length, light brown hair and warm hazel eyes. She had slightly tanned skin, and looked pleasant enough. The other, Laura, was smaller than Rachel, and had long, layered black hair reaching to the small of her back, and had piercing emerald eyes. Her skin was milky white, although it looked like she was very athletic.


“Nice to meet you then, Ella,” Olivia said to her brand new roommate. Laura nodded in approval as well.

A wide grin appeared on Ella face; maybe she would manage to make friends more easily than she though. “Likewise.”

***

The rest of the day seemed to go normally, or for Ella, as normal as a new, strange boarding school could get. She stuck by Rachel, Olivia and Laura, not wanting to get lost in the endless sea of girls. The first class the thirteen-year-old girls had was history. Ella was pleased, and enjoyed the class. History had been her favourite subject while she was in the palace; although her history tutor seemed dull and incapable of spicing his private lessons up. This history teacher seemed much the same, the only exception being that he was extremely punctual. Mr Cambridge had a reputation for being on time every time, so Rachel told her, and had never been late once since Lakewood School began twenty tears ago. Olivia added that he was probably afraid he would miss his own historic moment if he was late, and Laura grunted in mutual agreement.

After history class was over, there was only one more period to fill before homework and the study period followed. This was home economics class, where the girls learned about health, nutrition and cooking. Half of the two hour period was theory, and the other was a messy practical lesson with thirty girls spilling flour everywhere in a failed attempt to make bread. Ella and her roommates spent so much time laughing they didn’t even get to the baking part.

As the day drew to a close; Ella had made three new friends, made herself more comfortable in her new life and had a generally fine overall day.

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Kind corny, I know.

That was great are you woking on chapter 3

Aww, thank you. Yep, I'm working on Chapter 3.

ok good I am half way threw chapter 4

Great! I;m stiiiiiiill editing chapter three. Phewee.

yes and I have just stuffed chapter 4 up

First-please write it bigger, so it is easier to see.
Pretty good, keep going.

ok I will